(Tamara's Note: I use slut in my own personal sense, ie: someone horny who enjoys exploring their sexuality and feels no obligation to submit to anyone elses moral values.)
Shortly after I first started being really, really slutty, I was fucking this guy... he was a hot black man, a big guy, with a huge cock. I feel like I remember having wierd vibes from him, but now I'm not sure if I did or if I'm inserting them into the memory. Anyways, he was busily inserting his cock into my pussy from behind, I was on my hands and knees. I noticed something was feeling a little bit wierd, but figured he was almost done... I'd just be still for another minute or two, and... yes... yes... ok, whewwwwwwwwwwww, he finally came. By this time I was feeling a little bit nervous, so I moved away, turned around, and found... a large, black penis, covered in the tatters of a shredded condom.
This was one of the scariest moments of my life. There is NO WAY this person did not know that the condom had broken. He'd been fucking me doggy, looking down at me, he knew. So ok, my brain raced, I thought, ok ok ok... so he did this on purpose. Why would he do this on purpose? To get me pregnant? To give me HIV????
I wound up ok. I was so lucky! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lucky!!!!!!
It sucks living in a world where we have to worry about things like HIV. It sucks! But it is the reality, and for those of us determined to fuck like bunnies regardless, it pays for us to take charge of our sexual health and do what we can to make sex safer. What I could've done in that situation, is made him stop as soon as I noticed something feeling "wierd." I could've reached back and touched the condom. I could have and should have and I learned that day that I need to be responsible for the condom. It doesn't matter that I'm the woman. It doesn't matter that I'm not wearing the condom. If I care about my pussy, and I do, I have to take care of it. Sometimes that means being a bully, sometimes it means being a bitch, but I won't compromise when it comes to my pretty cunt. Nope!
I wanted to share some things I've learned about safer sex through my own experiences. Things you cannot learn by reading the CDC website or talking to your doctor, because the truth is that none of them have the experience that sex workers do with having lots of sex with lots of different people.
One of the biggest fallacies about safe sex, is the old "The condom broke," story. In having had an awful lot of sex with many many people over the years, I can tell you that I've only seen a condom break two or three times. The broken condom I wrote about above, I am almost positive was broken by the guy... I believe that to this day... I mean the thing was literally in shreds, and that just doesn't happen normally to a condom. I have had it happen a very very few other times, but most of the time the big risk is not a condom breaking, but a condom falling off. Or slipping or sliding or moving so that it is no longer an effective barrier.
Once I was riding a guy who had a big belly and was not so very well endowed. Hmmm... my memory is not remembering whether or not he actually came before I noticed that the condom was MIA. Yeps, that's right folks MIA. I panicked, started searching the room, where on earth could one little condom go? But this is a kind of important thing to know for a woman, because a missing condom could be INSIDE. (Hey it's important for guys too. And you *can* lose stuff up the ass, where you cannot lose stuff in the vagina.) I searched and searched and finally started searching in me. One leg up on the desk, totally panicked, fingers rammed up to my cervix feeling around my insides. You know in a moment like that a womans insides feel remarkably like a soft, wet, latex sheath filled with cum might... scary!!!! We eventually found the condom. Thank goodness! But I learned another lesson here. This lesson is that if a condom doesn't fit perfectly, the odds are much much higher that it will fall off, slip, or otherwise fail.
There are certain body types at higher risk for this. This is not meant to be a slam on ANY body type; after all, you are not reading a post by twiggy here. But knowing is half the battle! The truth is that men who are heavier and men who are less well-endowed (*ahem) are at higher risk for this to happen. At least, the vast majority of the time I had problems like this, it was with heavier and/or smaller men. They don't only fall off, however; sometimes they just slide around, or don't fit tightly enough, or they fit too tightly. I have seen problems like this with condoms which are too loose and condoms which are too tight; which just goes to show you should dash off to your favorite sex store and buy a huge sampler or condoms to try and see which fit your penis the best!
One thing you can do to improve condom safety, is to use lubricant. I know, condoms are pre-lubed, but trust me... it is NOT ENOUGH. There is really no such thing as too much lube. :) Lube does a bunch of really good things for safer sex. Lube makes everything move smoother, so that there is less friction and less chance of any delicate tissues tearing or stretching or being traumatized in any way whatsoever. The thing to always keep in mind is that traumatized tender tissues have tiny tiny tiny microscopic openings... that's why you feel that little tingle of pain... and those openings are portals for diseases to get into your body. Lube helps prevent that for both male and female. Lube also prevents condoms from breaking for much the same reasons. A drop of lube inside the tip of the condom can make the condom feel a lot better for the man and prevent it from breaking. However I noticed that if you use TOO MUCH lube in the tip, sometimes that can make a condom come off more easily.
Clearly some of this is about your body, your partner, what is right for the two of you, and one more thing... as long as you are practicing safe sex, it kind of sucks, but someone has to be paying attention to what is going on with the condom. Usually this winds up, for better or worse, being the woman. Yes guys, we feel the condoms, no one likes condoms! They are an unfortunate necessity. Women are far more likely to catch a disease from a man than vice-versa; women are also far more likely to wind up with a condom rammed up next to their cervix, which, trust me, you do not want to deal with! It is not fun! (Not even when you just THINK it's up there and then later you find it stuck to the bedpost. Hmmm!)
Anyways, back to paying attention to the condom. Make sure whenever you change position or take your cock out of the orifice all the way that you or your partner are holding the base of the condom. It's a good idea to CHANGE condoms a few times during the course of a long fucksession. (Make it fun. Do some oral in between. Flavored lubes help with the icky condom taste! The worst tasting condoms are lubricated with nonoxynol-9, and you know you shouldn't be using those... right?)
Speaking of oral, something to remember about oral sex... or actually any part of your body... is that if you have any open tissue, you have portals for disease. Right after you brush your teeth or use listerine type mouthwash, your mouth is full of open pores, tiny little tears in your gums, etc. So no oral sex for about an hour after brushing your teeth. (Freshen your breath with some minty gum instead... cleans the food off your teeth, makes your mouth taste nice, and won't rip little tears in your tissues!) If you haven't been to a dentist in a while and have bleeding gums, go get it taken care of now... you are at higher risk for catching all kinds of things because you have tiny open wounds in your mouth. If you have cuts on your fingernails, ripped cuticles, whatever, take care of those fingers! Put a bandaid on for the time being, or wear a latex (or non-latex) glove to play, because again... those cuts are portals for disease. Your best defense is healthy, unbroken skin, EVERYWHERE, head to toe, inside and out.
I have never used condoms or dental dams for oral sex, but this is my personal preference; everyone has to decide what is right for them. Part of this is that the people I play with tend to be in the lowest risk groups; usually middle-class, suburban type folks who are in long-term relationships, swingers, etc. I don't play with IV drug users (at least, that I know of), or men who have lots of anal sex (at least, that I know of). Of course there is only so much you can do, but playing for the most part in a low risk group is one more tool in your arsenal of safer sex.
It is horrible and unfortunate and awful awful awful but the truth is that the highest risk groups, aside from IV drug users and people who have tons of anal sex, are the lowest income levels of our society. My belief is that this is due largely to a lack of education, so take your complaints about that to the Bush administration; Bush would rather sew womens legs shut then inform them on how to stay safe and healthy.
A basic rule of thumb is that, all things being equal, and assuming we are talking about unbroken, healthy flesh here... oral sex is the least risky, vaginal sex is moderately risky, and anal sex is by far the most risky. Anal tissues do not stretch in the same way that vaginal tissues do and tear more easily. It's not that gay people are more susceptible to HIV than anyone else; it's just that they have a LOT more butt sex than most people in general do. It should go without saying, but condoms are a non-negotiable point to me for both anal and vaginal sex.
My goodness, I do go on... if you haven't read them yet, check out my other articles. I really want to share what I've learned so that other people are able to reduce their risks and enjoy their sexuality that much more!
